let it go – the
smashed word broken
open vow or
the oath cracked length
wise – let it go itwas sworn to
go
let them go – the
truthful liars and
the false fair friends
and the boths and
neithers – you must let them go they
were born
to go
let all go – the
big small middling
tall bigger really
the biggest and all
things – let all go
dear
so comes love

// e.e. cummings

Letting go of my long term relationship was soul-crushing. In many ways, those 8 years defined the mature part of my life. I learned how to love, how to care, how to build a home. Looking back I often thought of it as perfect but it rarely was – it mostly felt like a constant struggle to hold on to something that was naturally falling apart. Like fighting gravity. However, my momma raised no quitter so every time things got bleak and the inevitable peeked around the corned, I buckled down. Relentlessly I focused my energy into mending what I thought was broken. It is no wonder that when the last flames finally fizzled out, and the dust settled down, I felt – yes – sad and depressed, but mostly exhausted. A failure – I had lost the battle. It took me nearly a year to finally realise it was never meant to be a battle.

This whole ordeal caused me so much suffering, it’s hard to believe that when I look back at it, I feel only gratitude. It taught me the most important lesson so far. It is a struggle only if you choose to make it one. But you can always walk away. You don’t need to fight for people who won’t fight for you. You don’t need to push yourself in a workplace that makes you feel underappreciated. You don’t need to hold on to one-sided friendships. You don’t really need to care for every single person in your life.

Release.

Once I let go of the biggest and hardest battle, everything else came with ease. It got me to where I am now – happy. Content. Working a job that actually excites me, surrounded by people who go the extra mile. For me. Waking up with a smile on my face every single day.

Letting go might feel like a temporary failure, but what it really is is you being brave enough to know your worth in a world that will always try to get you for a little less. Don’t let it.